In our small group last night we watched the DVD "How great is our God" from the Passion group with Louie Giglio. The thing that stuck with me was this little molecule called laminin that in essence hold us together - check out this picture of laminin.
How amazing to think that at the very core of who I am is a cross! Yes this does mean very different things to different people but to me it made me think that even though I want to have nothing to do with God and shove him to one side He is there at the core of my being. He holds me together - OK it's the laminin that does this but you know what I mean. The past two years have been a very painful road for me to walk and often it has felt that I have left God behind. BUT I have not because He has been right there with me even though I may not have been aware of him. Watching the DVD last night was a gentle reminder of being held by God and of God being with me in these very dark two years.
As I look forward and contemplate the arrival of my son I am so comforted to know that already God is right there with him. In his little body his laminin is there and at the centre of that is the cross. The cross that is life giving; the cross that is the hope of all who trust in Him; the cross that is the ultimate symbol of God's amazing love for all of us. I really feel that I can say without a shadow of a doubt - HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD.
As I write this I am about to embark on the exciting (rather terrifying) journey that is motherhood in about 12 weeks time! Just writing that number is increasing my anxiety levels... As I think about preparing to become a mother I am so aware that it is so much than deciding on what colour to paint the room; buying all the stuff you need (which I have done none of yet - can you believe that!); etc; etc... It's about getting to grips with the fact that you will be a parent to another human being - another live person who will enter this world and who you have responsibilities towards. Man that thought blows my mind..... I see why we have nine months to prepare for becoming mothers (and fathers!)! Anything less would not do justice to the emotional and psychological preparation that one needs to undergo as parents.
As I watched the news last night with Alphonso I was struck by how very angry the world we live in is. Is this the kind of world I want to raise a child in? What is the solution to the anger? What can we do to help those who are angry? Having sat with a client who was struggling with anger I can see how anger poisons the soul and creates barriers between people. A truly sad situation to be part of - and we are all part of this angry world. And so as I contemplate becoming a mother I wonder what I can do to show my son both sides of anger and to help him learn to deal with his own anger and the anger that will undoubtly come his way. And for me - what do I do with my anger.... I am left thinking about a rather corny quote that gets bandied about in anger management workshops - (hopefully I can get this right) anger can cook the carrot and it can also start a veld fire (apologies to those who actually know the exact quote - this is what I remember!). How can anger be used constructively?
