Meta...

I had an interesting (and busy) weekend where the highlight was reading through the last chapter of ' a million little pieces' by james frey. This book has elicited intense feelings of compassion for the men and women who have to hit rock bottom and then face what their  lives have become. In the book they face a variety of addictions from the different drugs to swearing and sex. The bare reality of brokenness spoke deep to my soul. I remember a time when I was broken and felt like my life and person-hood was only a bunch of fragments lying in a heap, with no sense of how they fit together as a person, or into the wider world. I suspect that was the point of the book, and I wonder how many people reading it looked back or into their lives for some introspection.

If we are honest with ourselves and others, then the brokenness is there. The truth is that on a daily basis we put on all sorts of masks in order to hide or obscure that very truth of our shattered lives. Sometimes the truth breaks through in spite of our best efforts to keep it under wraps. It is only then that we are forced to acknowledge this to others. It is only then that we ask for help, when it is already evident that we need it. The really sad side to this is that the rest of us looking on to someone else's broken life think that this will never happen to us. or we sincerely hope so anyway. We pretend that this resulted from crazy decisions made, poor character or discipline, or just plain bad luck. The truth is that we are all very close to the edge, closer that we could possibly imagine. Jesus made a number of people really cross by pointing out to them these and other facts. Their anger and rage was unleashed by this 'violation' by the tuth.

Financial consultants say that most middle-class families are only 60 days from bankrupsy. All that is required is a break in income streams for 2 months, and the wheels start falling off. You would never realise this looking at us in Woollies or Cavendish, thinking we are immune to the struggle others have. We blithely spend away , swiping those cards as if it could never happen to us.

In the same way we live frivolously with our hearts, minds and souls, as if we have endless resources. The truth is that we have a limited emotional bank account, and many of us are already in overdraft. We have to realise this about ourselves and those around us. We are fragile, fragile souls and need to treat and be treated as such. My heart breaks when I see abuse of others, and not only women and children but men too. We say things and act as if the paper thin robustness we portray is real. We know it is not so for ourselves, so dont be fooled into believing that is is any different for others.

Let other people touch your soul

Look after the souls of others

Tissue paper is a good packing material for hearts

Show people Jesus

I read a report of how a certain Mr J Arthur Brown is suffering a major deppressive episode, and cannot attend his trial. This developed after he was raped in the back of a police van. There are certain (darker) sides to me that is saying goetjoe for him. What he did was not much better, stealing money from orphans and widows in order to live it up. It is ironic that the money he stole is paying for his extremely expensive Mr Booth to defend him from prosecution.

I (intellectally anyway) understand that his guilt needs to be proven in court, this prevents anarchy in our society. But justice is another story completely, who makes sure that our society is just? Not that I necassarily want him to get his comeupance, but he needs to face the music. Is this incident not one way for Mr Brown (what is the J for anyway?) to face up to the criminal nature of his actions. White collar crime is often regarded as more acceptable to hijacking someones beemer via gunpoint. But what these refined and educated gentlemen (sic) do is no less violent to the individuals and communties at the recieving end of thier emense powers?

Is justice for sale? Is my compassion for others dependant on thier personal wealth. I find it much harder to feel for a rich person, than a poorer person. Even if the same crime is commited by or against them. Is my compassion conditional?  Should I have compassion for all people in need? What would Jesus do?????

I know a little boy of about 2 years old now, who last year learned to say his first afrikaans word, namely 'myne'. He would go around choosing things int he house, and then promptly declared a  change in ownership by shouting "myne , Myne". I was reminded of this little one this morning.

I was listening to a news report on how the Nigerian government was helping its citizens sue the South African government for possessions lost during the latest Xenophobia crisis here. That was not the issue, but rather how I responded to it, thinking then thaty must rather go back home if that is thier attitude. They were already using our resources and opportunities, and now they want to hold the governmnet responsible for thier loss.That was the risk they took by coming here anyway. What stuck me was the speed at which these thoughts come up. I am fortunate (really) in having resources and skills that I do not have to worry too much about where my bread or milk was coming from tonight. ButI understand how poor people's anger can spill over onto another underclass, one seemingly deserving of the retribution metred out on them.

it made me think of John's blog of where the problem originates: people's hearts. The fact that our whole being is characterised by a selfish self-centred looking after number one. We are so scared of being left behind, forgotten, downtrodden etc that we are so aware that we only have ourselves to look for. In the process we forget about, supress, impoverish etc others. We are so selfish...

Elitism

Pessimist

I had an interesting conversation with someone at a wedding yesterday. He reminded me of an older me, successfull at stuff but tired of nonsense. Like him I am tired of the facades and games we play. some call it socialisation and necessary for us to know the rules we require to interact. But I ask if this is very necessary, is it not possible to be more naked. What is it about being exposed for who and what we are. Adam and Eve tried to hide thier nakedness from God with leaves. And we have been doing the same ever since. Today , in and outside the church, we play games to suss out the other so that we can get ahead. What does God think about these games we play, with each other and with Him? Check out some really bitter and dark parodies of the motivational, "I can do better if I only try harder" crap. anyway check out the site http://despair.com.

I am taking John'slead to revive this blog as a place to air my views, opinions and struggles with my friends. I have been listening to a pod called wired Jesus (www.wiredjesus.com) recently in preparation for a small group meeting I am to lead tonight. This guy is a pastor between jobs and struggling with what it means to be church to each other (christian and non). the eternal struggle i suspect of needing intimacy of others without thier bullshit getting in the way. I had an interesting conversation at out table during Widaad and Adnaan's wedding yesterday. 4 strangers connected in a such a real and refreshing way, it gave me hope again. almost enough hope to believe that people are good after all. Maybe or maybe not. 

We woke up this morning in a new South Africa. Once again our new democracy is going through another first, with all of the accompanying pain and anxiety. JZ has swept the boards at the ANC Polokwane conference last night. By all accounts, it has been a thouroghly humiliating experience for President Mbeki. I must say I feel sorry for the man whohas dedicated his life to the party. On the other hand I am aware of the price he has paid moving away from the people who placed thier trust in him as thier leader. Here we see the first wave of a popular backlash against Mbeki for his distant, over-intellectualised style. Whether the popular choice of Zuma would prove a better choice for the country is another question completely.Zuma has shown a knack for popping up in the right place at the right time. I think his popularity is largely based on a rejection of Mbeki's style and policies. He is remarkably silent on the major issues facing South Africa at the moment, which makes me worry about his opinion on these major issues. it seems to me that he may be such a populist leader that he has to hide his own thoughts and opinions on issues people are waiting for him th pronounce on. At least he (and his team) seems to have his finger on the pulse of what is required to win the popular vote in this country. This seems to have raised up fears of the moderates who have had no say in the vox pouli and how this gets exercised. I am not sure about this man though. His decision-making ability has been questionable in personal, business and political areas, as the press has highlighted in thier feeding frenzy.

Is his personal life going to be an indicator of his political effectiveness?

Do we as christians need to demand a man or woman of higher moral standards. Do we as non-ANC members have any right to say who should or should not become the leader of the ANC? My opinion is that it is none of your business, if you are not a member. I you want to influence the result become a member and work throught the party structures.

What is he thinking?